Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Kerstverhaal

Gedächtniskirche - Puinhoop in Berlijn.

Dit was 1963. Tien jaar later. Historische momenten in mijn leven. Mijn moeder had de gebroeders Kennedy en Martin Luther King aan de muur hangen. Het bekende triple portretje. Ze was ook een fan van Winston Churchill. Hij verzon het "IJzeren Gordijn". Geen misselijk mannetje.
Er gaat een vette grap de ronde toen hij ruzie had met zijn werkster;
- Werkster; If I were married with you, I would poison your tea.
- Winston; If I were married with you, I would drink it.

Humor zat niet écht in de genen van de familie. Laat staan zwarte humor. Dat heb ik er later bij verzonnen. Daar moet ik voorzichtig mee zijn. Ik kreeg ooit een knallende ruzie met mijn zus. Maar het is weer goed gekomen.
- Zus; Hoe gaat het op je werk?
- Broer; Ik werk al jaren niet meer, maar niemand heeft het door.
Terwijl ik toen aan mjn tweede burn-out zat aan te hikken.

Kerst 1953, toen moet ik verwekt zijn. Nog een jaartje wachten en dan vieren we een groot feest. Hier is alvast het verhaaltje. Pa was in WW-II als dwangarbeider gedetineerd als een slome broodbakker in (voormalig) oostduitsland. Dessau, Mildensee, Bauhaus, Sans Souci, leuke omgving. Ze zaten met de hele nederlandse groep in een speciaal Holland House.

Mijn moeder was een simpele wasmeid. Ze weigerde om lid te worden van de Hitlerjugend. Dat was best wel lastig in die dagen. Pa las Het Parool en ze waren lid van de VPRO en de NVSH. Dus er klikte toch best wel wat tussen hun en mij.

Het zal 1944 geweest zijn toen mijn oudere broertje is verwekt. Pa en Ma lagen ongelofelijk hard te neuken op de hooizolder. En die avond werd net het Holland House gebombardeerd, geen overlevenden. Mijn pa was lucky, hij overleefde het. Ma was niet zo lucky. Geen ouder broertje. Miskraam. Jammer. Een ouder broertje had ik toch wel graag gehad. Tja, daar hou je wel een raar gevoel van over.

In 1948 (of zo) zijn ze met de handschoen getrouwd. Pa zat toen zijn militaire dienst uit in De West. Hij ging met 'De Bloemfontein', een boot die de oceaan overstook. Ik heb nog ergens een foto. Vraag me niet hoe hij terug in Nederland is gekomen. Dat was een rommelig raadsel in die dagen.

Mijn moeder was inmiddels van Dessau via Berlijn naar Amsterdam gevlogen. Op één van de laatste geallieerde vluchten, in een Dakota stel ik me zo voor. Wat een dappere meid. Nog net niet of juist wel ontsnapt aan een verkrachting door de Russen. Met haar zus - tante Melitta - was het altijd gillend gierend lachen.

In Amsterdam is ze ontvangen als een ex duitse oorlogs-slet op een zolderkamertje op de Van Wou Straat. Ik kom er nog wel eens langs. Bij haar schoonfamilie. Spiritulisten. De Ridders van de Rozenkrans. Dat was niet leuk.

Kun je het jezelf voorstellen, hoe je ouders je hebben verwekt? Je kunt denken aan een platte plichtmatige oefening, maar ook aan een super stout standje. Daar ga ik maar vanuit. Wat is nu de moraal van dit verhaal? Dat er toch iets moois kan bloeien uit puinhopen.


Wat een slap gelul weer.




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Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Zeker weten

New York, Central Park.

Het zit eraan te komen, gezinsuitbreiding. Nog meer beestjes. Dit is weer een typisch plop-gevalletje. Iets wat al weken in mijn achterhoofd zit te zeuren en dan plopt het er opeens uit. Eerst maar eens goed nadenken en wat informatie opvragen. Nooit over één nacht ijs gaan.

Ik kreeg net een e-mail antwoord van de e-winkel. Dat was open en eerlijk; niet doen. Ze denken dat ik het als een speeltje opvat. Terwijl ik toch mijn hele verhaal heb gedaan. Tja, dat krijg je met gevoelige e-mails, dan komt de helft van de boodschap door en krijg je een kort en lullig antwoord.

Maar als jullie die beestjes verkopen, wie is er dan wél geschikt als hun dieren-vader. Moet ik soms een examen afleggen? Ik heb mijn katten de afgelopen twee jaar prima opgevoed. Ze kunnen in- en uitlopen. Ze komen altijd terug. We knuffelen elkaar elke dag. Ze hebben altijd hun natje en hun droogje. Ze snurken op de bank en op mijn bed of een ander favoriet plekje. Altijd op tijd naar de dierenarts. De assistentes smelten bij hun aanzien. Ik ben de ideale dieren-vader. Of niet soms? Harry is boos.

Soms loop ik hier te vloeken en te tieren, niet altijd op de dieren. Een straffe hand maar nooit met geweld. Daar zijn ze nu wel aan gewend. Welke dieren zijn met zo'n vader-vriend verwend.

Ik moet nog wel drie keer nadenken of ze hier in Amsterdam een goed tehuis zullen vinden. Ze zullen vaak buiten de deur zijn. Het wemelt hier van de beestjes. Spinnen, kevers, torren, muizen, ratten en duiven. Zwanen, ganzen, eenden, koetjes, futen. Heel veel rijgers en meeuwen en musjes, meesjes en merels. Kraaien en kauwen, katten en poezen en ook groene grasparkieten. Femke heeft ooit een padje in mijn tuin gevonden. Ik wacht nog op de mollen aan de overkant. Best wel een multi-culty buurtje hier.

Wat niemand weet, is, dat ik al tientallen sites heb gegoogled. Ik kan nu ook een (nest)kastje voor de knaagdiertjes maken. Die hebben meerdere compartimenten. Mannetje en vrouwtje krijgen dan aparte hokjes met een doorgang, zodat ze bij elkaar op bezoek kunnen gaan. Het mannetje en het vrouwtje krijgen ook elk een privé hokje. Daar kan zij dan rustig haar kroost verzorgen. De tekeningen liggen al klaar. Dat heb ik al eerder gedaan voor de vogelkastjes. Ik moet alleen nog de goede hangplek vinden; op het balkon of in de boom. Oeps, dat wordt weer klimmen op het keukentrapje.

Misschien moet ik Midas Dekkers nog even raadplegen. Bioloog en ook een poezenman. Of de Amsterdamse stadsbioloog. Die houd hier de flora en fauna in de gaten. Leuk toch? Daar wil ik wel een paar beastingcenten aan geven.

We hebben net een huisvergadering gehad. Fred vond het wel OK maar Ted had zo zijn bedenkingen. Het huisje hangen we ergens hoog. Dan kunnen jullie er niet bij en dan hebben jullie er ook geen last van. Ted scoort ook geen ratten en duiven meer. Lamme kat. Ted heeft geen recht van spreken. We waren het snel eens. We gaan het doen.

Je begrijpt het al. Ik heb mijn gedachten al op orde. Advies heb ik eigenlijk niet nodig. Commentaar is altijd welkom. Maar dan wel iets intelligenter dan dat ik "een bejaarde puber" ben, want dat wist ik al.

Er zit toch wat extra's aan deze zaak. Gezinsuitbeiding vraagt aandacht en verantwoordelijkheid. Ik heb nog een transport-mandje voor naar de dierenarts. Voor mijn katten. Mijn nieuwe beestjes worden gechipped. Mijn zwager kan weer pasfotos's maken. Ze krijgen dan een medisch paspoort. Een intake en een follow-up bij dierenarts Dr.Elenbaas is verplicht. Kost weer een paar centen, maaar dan heb je ook wat.

En de meisjes bij de dierenarts vallen weer helemaal in het katzwijm bij het aanzien van deze jonge knaagdiertjes. Marius; jouw pasfotos's van Fred en Ted maakten een grote indruk op de assistenten van de dierenarts. Ik hoop op nog meer pasfoto's van deze knaagdieren. Dat is altijd leuk om te zien. Ik bedoel die meisjes. Een bezoekjhe aan de dierenarts is altijd zo sexy.

Ik noem ze voorlopig Karin en Karel. Dat is zomaar uit mijn losse pols gegrepen. Voor hetzelfde geld heb je een jongetje-jongetje of een mesje-meisje combinatie. Met mijn katten heb ik mij daar ook in vergist. Ik dacht een MF combinatie te kopen, maar het bleken twee broertjes. Dat is overigens heerlijk uitgepakt. Met FF heb ik Karin-Karolien en met MM Karel-Kees nog op de achterhand.

Zoals ik het me voorstel is het beslist géén hobby. Of een halve hobby. Hoe noem je het houden van huisdieren? In mijn geval (man alleen) noem ik het gezinsuitbreiding. Ik had ook een hond kunnen nemen. Een blonde blindegeleide Labrador die mij op het rechte pad kan houden. Helaas, ik ken geen recht pad. Toch maar liever katten. Die vragen minder aandacht en gaan hun eigen weg. Een hond is heftig. Die moet je elke dag uitlaten en die gaat liggen janken bij je graf. Ik moet er niet aan denken. Dus geen hond.


Q. Wat een slap gelul allemaal. Waar wil je nou naar toe?
A. Nou gewoon, ik wil twee jonge eekhoorntjes kopen.




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Friday, December 21, 2012

Practical Joke

Picture from the 2009 movie "2012" by Roland Emmerich.

True story. I lost my internet connection this morning. It's December, 21st 2012. That must be a sign from The Mayan Gods. As an internet addict, this really feels like The-End-Of-The-World. Maybe I should make a sacrifice to The Gods. I seriously considered ripping out the harts of my cats. They were lucky, they were outdoors. Instead I watched the "2012" movie on my local disk. That looked appropriate considering the circumstances.

This is a two-and-a-half hour epic story about American and Russian survivors struggling to reach a safe haven in China. In the (happy) end they touch down on "Cape-of-Good-Hope" in South Africa. It's an emotional roller-coaster with some black humor and silly moments.

  • The trailer is here.
  • The movie is here.

I lit a candle and did some focused praying. Just in case. Around 12:21 (local time) my internet connection was restored. Hallelujah! Coincidence? I actually think this was a practical joke from my ISP.
I like this type of jokes. Enjoy the movie.



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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Poems

Denkend aan Holland, zie ik rivieren door oneindig laagland stromen. Actually, these are German WW-II soldiers, trying to cross a Dutch River.

Intro

Eecept for this silly Percy Shelly stuff, here are some Dutch poems.

Cees

The 'Blauw-Bil-Gorgel' still is a famous poem in Dutch literature. If I had to translate that, it would be 'Blue-Butt-Gorgeous'. It's an experimental format from Cees Buddingh. He was once declared as the most boring Dutch poet by our 'elite' witers. Especially by hot-tempered Willem Frederik Hermans. Cees is super-cool. He's a favorite of mine. Just like Simon Carmiggelt and Godfried Bomans. Cees was from the city of Dordrecht. The last place where you want to live in the Netherlands.

There is a Goeman-Borgesius-Plantsoen in Dordrecht. How do I know that. Because I had a friend on my primary school. I forgot his name. We were both bullied. We had a connection. He relocated to Dordrecht. I got his adress. I never saw him again.

Johnny

Johnny van Doorn (aka Johnny the Selfkicker) was a poet-performer in the late 1960's. His 'Sun' poem is still underestimated.

Marsman

Thinking of Holland. Wonderful poem. Put on music by this undergraduate.


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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Strad

In this blog, a Strad is as much a legend as a Fender Stratocaster. You can search my blog for 'Fender' or 'Zappa' to read the Jimi Hendrix stratocaster story.

Girls, girls, gils. Musical girls. No Rihanna, Madonna, Gaga or Beyoncé. My girls are of the classical type. No misunderstanding; every poppy girl went through thousands of hours of practice ands devotion. Respect for every body.

Why does a Stradimarius or a Giardini violin sound so great? They tried to replicate it many times. Nobody ever succeeded. It was not the lacker. The story goes, that around the 1700's there was a mini ice-age. Trees grew slower then. Especially on the north side of the Italian Alps. That's where the wood came from. I like this lovely 'broodje aap' story.

I'm not sure if it was French philosopher Pierre Bourdieu who stated that reality is all imagination and imagination is all reality. A deep thought, but not very practical.

How do you get this bunch of sexy women into one blog? Well, years and years of practicing. I blogged them all before. Enjoy these lucious lady's.

You must have noticed by now my classic kink. Here's a Beethoven clip from Valentina Lisitsa Beethovens's Moonlight Serenade.


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Sunday, November 18, 2012

Horses

Two girls and two horses on the beaches of Iceland. (c) m.c.j.puhl

I promised my brother-in-law to discuss a photo. This is one of his photo's. This is my first attempt. I weekly get a big special photo special in my newspaper with a story. Hans Aarsman is good at picking pictures and telling stories. He learned me a few things.

  • Take your time and describe what you see. He learned me to see.
  • Use your phantasy. A picture can tell a thousand words. Make up your own words.
  • Pay attention to the things you don't see. That's a part of the phantasy.

Many years ago I first rode on a horse. First and last time. Probqably. I was lured into it by this highschool girl, who I was silently in love with. (sorry, forgot her name). She was even more shy than I was. But when she rode her horse, there was a big smile on her face.

I had (have?) a medic-girlfriend in Germany (Darmstadt) with two daughters. They all rode horses. My sis and her twin-daughters rode horses. All for educational purposes, I guess. With the two chicks on the photo, I counted nine females on horses, and no male. That's strange. Or?

A few weeks ago we went to the Amsterdamse Manege. A lovely place for business-after-hours. They have more than 50 horses. All pretty lame animals. You can take lessons there. In the middle of Amsterdam, imagine. It was simmering in my mind for months, and then we just did the visit. Maybe, maybe, I will take a horse riding lesson.

Again, I saw a lot of girls riding horses. Well, that's a positive when you are concidering lessons at The Amsterdamse Manege. I can remember John Wayne and Ivanhoe. Horses were supposed to be very masculin. Not sure if it changed with Equis movie. Girls and horses is a special topic. I'm still wondering.

Silly phantasy. The photo shows exactly the opposite of the iconic nude women on white horses on a sub-tropic island. It was actually a chilly summerday on Iceland. With some imagination you can fill in the blanks.




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Sunday, October 28, 2012

Movies Again

B-Movies

Ok, let's switch to B movies again. I explained the trick before. Quinten Tarantino and Robert Rodrigues (in an interview) have some more tips and pitfalls. The poster and the trailer are the first things that catch your eyes. But alas, they are made by completely different people and they don't cover the movie at all. Most of the time. The poster and the trailer are the best part. A kinda seperate art. The complete movie can be a real bore. That was the idea to start their Grindhouse project.

I will not spell out all the details of how directors are inspired by each other's movies but it is clear that Robert saw The Machine Girl movie. Enjoy.

I'm not sure if the concept of a "B movie" rings a bell in Japan. I'm not even sure myself what it means but it is deavelish entertaining. Here is my simple definition. B-movies are not made anymore these days. It is a phenomenon of the past. And it should be cherished and kept alive. It's all about Hollywood blockbusters now. Also great fun.

I once called it New Japanese Gore (NJG). It's a word-play on New French Cinema (NFC). A term coined by a serious French filmcritic. NFC is violent and shocking. It's a fuzzy concept. It hardly includes Luc Besson. His "Professional" is from ages ago. Performance of 14yo Nathalie Portman was so impressive. Rated 8+ on IMDB. I'm so glad she got an oscar for Black Swan. Reminds me of her counterpart. Mila Kuni. Most sexy of the month Esquire pick. Fifty Shades of Grey. The movie. We'll see.

Maybe Francois Ozon. Oops. That was another Ozon. Unless you like aging Catherine Deneuve and Gerard Depardieu in a romcom. Yes, I can enjoy virtually every movie.
Yes, I'm drifting again.

There is a TMO (The Making Of) somewhere in the cloud of "Tokyo Gore Police". Probably THE hallmark of NJG. The TMO shows the people that having so much great fun in making this crazy movie. Mind you, this is not a cheap trick. It's about girl-heroins an self-mutulation. Serious business. And a lot of other crazy stuff. Besides craziness, gore and sleaze there is a story. The review discusses if this movie is an "Instant Cult". Like "Ichi the Killer", some Japanese movies really are. Click here for trailer of Tokyo. Click here for review of Tokyo.


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Saturday, October 2, 2010

Russ


Ultra Vixens [1979] Movie Poster

I've not been very active lately on my blog. Sometime it looks like I'm just pumping movie-bytes all around the interweb. Probably I have some better things to do. So here is a better idea for all of us.

[1] Take a look at the movie-poster.
This is a 90 MB. file from RS with 100 X-rated movie posters. Mostly soft, some special or super.
Here is the same 100 poster file from HotFile.
Here is the same 100 poster file from MegaUpload .

[2] Look for the movie trailer.
Utube doesn't allow for X- or R-rated clips. They have some boob-monitor in place. But this trailer still looks alive.

This 12 MB. intro trailer says it all about Russ Meyer movies boobs, boobs, cars, boobs, boobs.

[3] Then decide to download the whole movie.
You (very often) can find the full movie in .rar format on RS or MU with this great search engine. You must visit the originating site to check if a password is required.

That's how I found this great Russ Meyer cult classic. The movie is ~90+ min. in about 10 x 120 MB. parts. PSW = None.

=== [I Almost Forgot]===

Pussycat is another great [1965] culty from Russ Meyer. All movie links are still hot. There were some rumors around that Quentin Tarantino wants to do a remake with Britney Spears (she declined). Now that Pablo Rodriguez got Jessica Alba out of her clothes (Machete 2010), I am not surprised by anything anymore. I'm sure you can find the cam's on the interweb when the time is there (yawn).

Monday, May 3, 2010

Parker


Bob Hoskins

The Butler-Driver-Gardener gets emotionally involved with Her Ladyship; a well known romantic theme since "Lady Chatterley's Lover". I always suspected a behind-the-scenes relation between Parker and Penelope .

Bob Hoskins (George) gets involved with his Black Ladyship in this 1986 'Mona Lisa' movie. George is out of prison and agrees to chauffeur hi-class call-girl Simone (Cathy Tyson). At first they hate each other, but things can change for the better or for the worse. When Simone asks George to find a friend of hers that she lost contact with, he dives into the sordid underbelly of the UK sexprotution world.

This film hit me right between the eyes when I saw it the first time. It still is impressive. Bob Hopkins and Michael Caine are among my favorite UK actors.

'Do you have a big white rabbit with long floppy ears?' (05:50 minutes). That quote must be inspired by the Monty Python heritage. But for the remaining part this is a great movie.

Some fan wrote;
This was an unexpected treat, knowing next to nothing about it, save for the fact that I admire Bob Hoskins, Michael Caine, and Robbie Coltrane all. Cathy Tyson was merely ok in the film & sadly Coltrane is pretty much wasted as Thomas. But both Hoskins and Caine are superb. Sadly, in America at least, Bob Hoskins is known to the non-cinema masses as merely Eddie from "What ever happened to Roger Rabbit?" & "That guy from Hook". This is a shame, as he's an amazing actor.

All credits go to Lemon for providing these links;
http://rapidshare.com/files/161405740/MSC86DRM.part01.Lemon
http://rapidshare.com/files/161408709/MSC86DRM.part02.Lemon
http://rapidshare.com/files/161411957/MSC86DRM.part03.Lemon
http://rapidshare.com/files/161415151/MSC86DRM.part04.Lemon
http://rapidshare.com/files/161418602/MSC86DRM.part05.Lemon
http://rapidshare.com/files/161396642/MSC86DRM.part06.Lemon
http://rapidshare.com/files/161399619/MSC86DRM.part07.Lemon
http://rapidshare.com/files/161402471/MSC86DRM.part08.Lemon
http://rapidshare.com/files/161402573/MSC86DRM.part09.Lemon

Rename the .Lemon to .rar extension and proceed as usual.

Psw = www.lemonshare.net

Enjoy

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Three


'Tokyo Shock' is the word. This site has it all.

This is all reposting and wrapping up some favorite movie themes. An Easter weekend can give you some silly thoughts. Just follow the links and pick what you like.

Three on a row and you're in. I called it New Japanese Gore (NJG) in one of my previous blogs because these movies definitely have some similarities. The hallmark is over-the-top violence, extremely graphic, chain-saws, samurai-swords and other sharp utensils, fountains-of-blood, chopped faces and limbs, split-skulls, brains and intestines coming out, penises cut off and some more exhilarating candies.

It's also 'new' because of the Woman-Anti-Hero. You rarely find this theme in mainstream movies. The main woman character starts in an underdog position and then comes back in a terrible way. The theme is not new. 'Not a Nice Picture' was an inspiration for 'Kill Bill'. But our Japanese friends gave it an extra push with these movies.



'The Audition' (1999) from Takashi Miike was the first movie I would consider an NJG. Eihi Shiina (as Asami Yamazaki) amputated this guy's foot with a piano-string. Takashi Miike and Quentin Tarantino are friends. The opening scenes of their Sukiyaki Western Django from 2007 says it all.

The Audition Trailer is a Little Piece of Art on its own when you remember that this is a sadist-psycho-horror movie witch some heavy thanks to Alfred Hitchcock.



Same Eihi Shiina is Ruka as a Tokyo police officer with a self mutilation syndrome in the 2008 innovative SF movie 'Tokyo Gore Police'. Sorry, I here mixed up with Maiko Asano with Eihi Shiina.

Ruka challenges a chain-saw-creep with her Samurai Sword in the first scenes. A Japanese Samurai Sword is a Semi-Holy-Object and only allowed for male nobleman. With these movies (and also in Kill-Bill) women are using this weapon. This must be a shocker for Japanese traditionalists. I give this movie a Cult-A-Status because there is already a-movie-about-this-movie.

Some Gore Trailer from the Tube = Here.



Then I came across 'The Machine Girl'. A young girl (Minase Yashiro) got her left hand chopped off by a Yakuza (Mob) gang (oh, these sharp Japanese utensils are so awful) while they were joyfully butchering her family. Her prosthesis is a multi-barrel machine-gun that comes in handy in her tour-of-revenge.
The first five minutes of the movie is also the trailer.



My latest find is Miki Mizuno as the avenger in 'Hard Revenge, Milly'. Same theme same gore. A girl goes on a killing spree after they murdered her family. Visually attractive, lots of action, no subtleties, a straight slasher, English subtitles. With many thanks to Dharmox for the upload efforts;

Hard.Revenge.avi.001
Hard.Revenge.avi.002
Hard.Revenge.avi.003
Hard.Revenge.avi.004
Hard.Revenge.avi.005
Hard.Revenge.avi.006
Hard.Revenge.avi.007
Hard.Revenge.avi.008
Hard.Revenge.sub.rar

Enjoy

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Sandra



It's such a lovely tradition, the night before the Oscars. Sandra Bullock came in her own person to pick up her Razzie (Golden Raspberry, worst movie awards 2010).

Paul 'Robocop' Verhoeven was the first one to show up in his person for his 1995 Showgirls movie. It should be a Shame-On-You but it is of such greatness that these people show up in person and even make a witty speech.

I always was looking for a good reason to blog SB. She is so great a personality but also in so many mediocre movies. Her humorous acceptance speech is here.



Oh, btw, the movie was named All about Steve;
All About Steve part1.rar
All About Steve part2.rar
All About Steve part3.rar
All About Steve part4.rar
All About Steve part5.rar
All About Steve part6.rar
All About Steve part7.rar

All credits go to the original poster, no password.



And then (miracle of all miracles) the next day Sandra got an Oscar for Best Actress in the movie The Blind Side.

It was a Ladies Night in many respects – Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker, Mo'Nique in Precious.

Enjoy

Ellen


Ellen is actually a performster, not a singster

Ellen ten Damme is a Dutch multi-talented actress, singer & performer. She is near-celeb because she is a hard-to-corner and serious professional with few connections to the paparazzi (the hallmark of all Dutch near-celebs).

She can be very raunchy but she is always very classy. Ellen is straight, honest, confused, sexy, humorous and hot in these tubes. Look further for more Ellen-Fun.

She is doing her thing now for some years and still is grossly underestimated here in the Netherlands. I made some pre-boom predictions on this blog (of which 30% came thru) hyping some kids before they were well-known. I wish I could do that for Ellen, but I'm afraid she is too professional to be hyped.

Yes, you can compare Ellen with Lady Gaga. The major difference is that Ellen is much more direct and explicit in her songs & texts. The German title of the second tube ("Plattgefickt") translates somewhere into "Fucked Silly" or "Plat Geneukt" in Dutch.

- Ellen talks about Pippi Langstrumpf (my Heroin) and the Daily Lama (Dutch).
- Ellen in her "Fucked Silly" performance (German)

I'm sure you can Wiki, Google and Tube a lot more from Ellen.

Enjoy

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Euro


Brigitte Lahaie is a French Euro Trash icon

Super sleazy and sexy footage from the 1960's to 1980's. This 12 part history documentary series is called Eurotica. It should be archived under Euro Trash (ET).

The series shows many clips of all of the in/famous ET movies and also has many background interviews (about 30 years later) with all of the famous ET directors and actresses.

In 1974, French pron laws were abolished and then the show was on.
A lovely must-have series for all ET & Kink lovers.
You better DL one part at the time and then view the next one.
All credits go to the original uploader.
Each episode is about 380MB. and 25:00 minutes.



http://rapidshare.com/files/227838882/Eurotika.01-Vampires.and.Virgins-Films.of.Jean.Rollin-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227838841/Eurotika.01-Vampires.and.Virgins-Films.of.Jean.Rollin-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227838859/Eurotika.01-Vampires.and.Virgins-Films.of.Jean.Rollin-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227838586/Eurotika.01-Vampires.and.Virgins-Films.of.Jean.Rollin-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227838952/Eurotika.02-Diabolical.Mr.Franco-Films.of.Jess.Franco-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227838985/Eurotika.02-Diabolical.Mr.Franco-Films.of.Jess.Franco-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227839405/Eurotika.02-Diabolical.Mr.Franco-Films.of.Jess.Franco-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227839223/Eurotika.02-Diabolical.Mr.Franco-Films.of.Jess.Franco-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227839455/Eurotika.03-Blood.and.Black.Lace-Italian.Horror.Films-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227839448/Eurotika.03-Blood.and.Black.Lace-Italian.Horror.Films-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227839524/Eurotika.03-Blood.and.Black.Lace-Italian.Horror.Films-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227839226/Eurotika.03-Blood.and.Black.Lace-Italian.Horror.Films-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227843118/Eurotika.04-From.Barcelona.to.Tunbridge.Wells-Jose.Larraz-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227842590/Eurotika.04-From.Barcelona.to.Tunbridge.Wells-Jose.Larraz-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227843169/Eurotika.04-From.Barcelona.to.Tunbridge.Wells-Jose.Larraz-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227842241/Eurotika.04-From.Barcelona.to.Tunbridge.Wells-Jose.Larraz-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227842464/Eurotika.05-French.Blue-Erotic.Films.of.France-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227843193/Eurotika.05-French.Blue-Erotic.Films.of.France-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227842827/Eurotika.05-French.Blue-Erotic.Films.of.France-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227842944/Eurotika.05-French.Blue-Erotic.Films.of.France-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227843370/Eurotika.06-A.Life.In.Four.Chapters-Films.of.Jose.Benazeraf-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227842802/Eurotika.06-A.Life.In.Four.Chapters-Films.of.Jose.Benazeraf-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227843406/Eurotika.06-A.Life.In.Four.Chapters-Films.of.Jose.Benazeraf-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227842752/Eurotika.06-A.Life.In.Four.Chapters-Films.of.Jose.Benazeraf-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227848002/Eurotika.07-So.Sweet.So.Perverse-Women.Of.European.Sexploitation-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227848076/Eurotika.07-So.Sweet.So.Perverse-Women.Of.European.Sexploitation-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227847780/Eurotika.07-So.Sweet.So.Perverse-Women.Of.European.Sexploitation-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227847518/Eurotika.07-So.Sweet.So.Perverse-Women.Of.European.Sexploitation-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227848027/Eurotika.08-Strange.Behavior-Cult.Films.Of.Eurocine.Studios-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227848127/Eurotika.08-Strange.Behavior-Cult.Films.Of.Eurocine.Studios-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227848478/Eurotika.08-Strange.Behavior-Cult.Films.Of.Eurocine.Studios-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227848476/Eurotika.08-Strange.Behavior-Cult.Films.Of.Eurocine.Studios-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227848591/Eurotika.09-Is.There.a.Doctor.in.the.House-Medicine.Gone.Bad-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227848496/Eurotika.09-Is.There.a.Doctor.in.the.House-Medicine.Gone.Bad-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227848586/Eurotika.09-Is.There.a.Doctor.in.the.House-Medicine.Gone.Bad-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227848335/Eurotika.09-Is.There.a.Doctor.in.the.House-Medicine.Gone.Bad-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227853759/Eurotika.10-I.Am.A.Nymphomaniac-Erotic.Films.of.Max.Pecas-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227853740/Eurotika.10-I.Am.A.Nymphomaniac-Erotic.Films.of.Max.Pecas-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227855332/Eurotika.10-I.Am.A.Nymphomaniac-Erotic.Films.of.Max.Pecas-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227854435/Eurotika.10-I.Am.A.Nymphomaniac-Erotic.Films.of.Max.Pecas-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227853747/Eurotika.11-Blood.and.Sand-Spanish.Horror.Films-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227855176/Eurotika.11-Blood.and.Sand-Spanish.Horror.Films-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227856022/Eurotika.11-Blood.and.Sand-Spanish.Horror.Films-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227855066/Eurotika.11-Blood.and.Sand-Spanish.Horror.Films-SMz.avi.004

http://rapidshare.com/files/227854399/Eurotika.12-Blood.Beast-Films.of.Michael.Reeves-SMz.avi.001
http://rapidshare.com/files/227854363/Eurotika.12-Blood.Beast-Films.of.Michael.Reeves-SMz.avi.002
http://rapidshare.com/files/227854443/Eurotika.12-Blood.Beast-Films.of.Michael.Reeves-SMz.avi.003
http://rapidshare.com/files/227855052/Eurotika.12-Blood.Beast-Films.of.Michael.Reeves-SMz.avi.004

Enjoy

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Louis



My Nephew lost a real uncle. This blog is for them.

Louis Davids (no Wiki) was a Dutch singer and entertainer in the 1930's. His language skills (song texts) are still remarkable to today's standards. When you like Dutch language. Underestimated, he was the Godfather of Dutch stand-up-comedians. Here are some tubes and tracks – all in Dutch language.

- The Nickel song (Dubbeltje – Kwartje) is famous and pathetic
- The Scheveningen Beach song is romance
- The football-match (Ajax – Blauw Wit) is all humor
- The (Zuiderzee) South See ballad is Dutch history
- Voor de Bakker ('Done') is a Dutch saying since this song
- Summer Telegrams (.mp3) sounds like a 1937 rap
- His most famous 1937 'Ford' song is here in .mp3 format

Enjoy

Friday, February 5, 2010

Foreign


the poster-trailer-imdb combination should do

The very expensive Brit-French Concorde aeroplane did a mach-2.
It was decomissioned by both France and Britain after a 'hard landing' just after take-off in a 2000 Paris to New York flight.
The story still gives me the shivers.
Here is a docu for my nephew;
The Concorde Crash Story 1
The Concorde Crash Story 2
The Concorde Crash Story 3
The Concorde Crash Story 4
The Concorde Crash Story 5

This 1978 movie also does a mach-2 rating. The first scenes are in the Concorde plane. When it lifts it's nose you have a pretty good idea about what is happening next. In my Holy Quest for Worst-Ever movies this 2.2 rated 'Emannuelle' spoof is in the left column.

You can ignore the French-Brit-German sensibilities – only meant for European conny-sewers. But that makes this movie even more kinky. When you are into language you will notice the crazy accents.

Why am I blogging this movie? So bad that it becomes great? Yes and No. More No than Yes. Almost Yes. It's because it is so absolutely over the top that it made my eyes wet. Why do people spend so much time and money for these movies? Maybe it's because there were some compromising pictures around and the producer was made an offer that he couldn't refuse. Any other suggestions?



Cool looking girl is reading a Fu-Kung-Sex book. This movie is in a class of it's own. First get very drunk and then enjoy this movie. Correction. First study the cast and notice Harry Hernia and Harold Hump. That made me bounce around the room in the first place.

Story (yesss there is): Good looking and sex-starved Emmannuelle Pervert just cannot inflame her husband's ardour. In frustration she seduces a string of VIPs, including the Brit Prime Minister and the American Ambassador. A jealous lover gives a list of all her conquests to the national press and then a real scandal ensues. But will she ever manage to get her own husband into bed?

The 88:00 min. movie comes in about 6x100 MB. parts from RS;
Carry On RS part1.rar
Carry On RS part2.rar
Carry On RS part3.rar
Carry On RS part4.rar
Carry On RS part5.rar
Carry On RS part6.rar
Carry On RS part7.rar

Enjoy

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Russ



I would have sworn that I did this Russ Meyer movie on this blog, because I remember it very well and because it's so hilarious.
But I could not find it. To make up, here is his 1979 Ultra Vixens movie. Russ is Ultra-Cult. He is fixated on super breasted girls and then finds a 'story' to make a movie about them. NO, not about girls, it's all about boobs.

To spare you all the downloading fuss, the first 'coffin sex scene' is also the best part of this movie. It is about 5:30 min. in a 55 MB. file. You should notice the Nazi German music that makes this movie completely crazy and my nephew horny.

If and when you like, just DL 'Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens'.

This 93:00 min. movie comes in about 5X100MB. parts;
http://rapidshare.com/files/338739144/Beneath.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/338744938/Beneath.part2.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/338745376/Beneath.part3.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/338745553/Beneath.part4.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/338747970/Beneath.part5.rar

Hotfile Mirror;
http://hotfile.com/dl/25145039/b91edf9/Beneath.part1.rar
http://hotfile.com/dl/25144894/0d02330/Beneath.part2.rar
http://hotfile.com/dl/25144898/6fa07f9/Beneath.part3.rar
http://hotfile.com/dl/25146238/30d67b2/Beneath.part4.rar
http://hotfile.com/dl/25146237/9ed2702/Beneath.part5.rar

All credits go to the original poster.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Bad


Hurray, the Swedes have arrived [1978]

Germany (before and after the war) is a country with some cultural contrasts. Besides Heinrich Heine, Reiner Maria Rilke, Georg Friedrich Hegel, Reiner Werner Fassbinder, Ludwig van Beethoven, Lenie Riefenstahl u.v.a. they grew Oswald Kolle, Hermann Hess, Tiroler Höschen, Schulmädchen Reports and ... this movie.

The rating is a bit too high for my worst-ever collection. Viewing it now for the third time [NOT] it is actually a clever made movie.

I could not resist to put this on my blog. The credits really go to the extensive production efforts [I'm serious] of this bad, bad, very great movie [serious too].

It's so bad that it's (almost) great. You have to be carefull with this label but the intro is a culty piece of art on its own.

Did you noticed the names; they look pretty fancy. Cult all over.

Never mind the full movie. The 3:00 min. 30 MB. intro says it all.
And a subtitle file is included.

Enjoy

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Rudi


Rudi Carell - not pretending

(Sorry Dutch again). Rudi Carell [1934-2006] was a Dutch entertainer. He was not well appreciated in the Netherlands, so he relocated to Germany where he got his own TV show and his biggest rewards.
He died in 2006 from lung cancer and he talked openly about it.

Rudi was the Dutch entry for the Eurovision Song Contest in 1960, London. He finished 12th out of 13 with 2 points.

His Mouse-in-the-Mill song from 1965 is a rare and culty kiddy song.
I was looking for it for more than a year now. The Amsterdam girls choir are De Damrakkertjes – they gave me an itchy feeling already in those days.

In 1987, Rudi (in)famously caused a diplomatic row between Germany and Iran with a sketch in which veiled women threw their undies at someone dressed like Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khomeini.
The outraged Iranian government responded by expelling two German diplomats and closing the Goethe Institute in Tehran.

I like Rudi.

Enjoy